Know when the ‘Big Top’ isn’t yours!

This line isn’t my own work, but I seem to have found myself quoting this line a lot lately – ‘Not my circus, not my monkeys’.

So simple but SO true!  We can only worry about the things we can change and THAT IS ALL!

You know what happens when we worry about other people’s monkeys and circus’??  We, and our loved ones miss out!

When worrying about other people’s monkeys and circus’ we can fail to see the awesome people and events immediately around us.  We miss out on fully appreciating all of our reasons to be grateful in our own lives!!

Its just a short blog today, but I urge to consider that everyone else’s monkeys and circus’ will continue on regardless of your input. 

Remember you can only change your own monkeys and your own circus……

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Attention: Mums – Go on, take a break!

Hello fellow school holiday adventurers – as a Mum, there is a part of me that loves this time and there is a part of me that is in a spin about how I will juggle the children and all of the other commitments.  I suspect I’m not alone…..

No, this isn’t a ‘school holiday survival’ blog – its actually a little note about using school terms as a lead to schedule a cycle of self-care for yourself.  That is – for your wellness, schedule yourself a break every 3-4 months!!  That’s my advice to the Mums out there – keep reading to see why!

Obviously, the break is unlikely to be in the school holidays exactly, unless you are a teacher – what I’m saying is to use the school holidays an prompt to factor in this self-care time.

Some people may need some mini-breaks in between, but to have a ‘time-out’ scheduled on a regular cycle is just such a sensible approach for self-care.  My argument would also be that it is better for your household harmony too!  We know hat sometimes things just need to be diarised to make them happen!

This said time is for the purpose of:

  • doing nothing – that’s right, nothing at all – do you accept this part of the challenge?
  • Taking some time to feel grateful – for all that you have.  In fact, write down the things that you are grateful for – going forward, refer back to it periodically.
  • This is not a time for feeling guilty, you know, the ‘mum’ type of guilt – everyone will be absolutely fine without you for your scheduled time (**this time might only consist of a few hours if your children are really small or extend to a few days if they are a bit older)
  • Knowing you’re enough!!  Take some time to add yourself to the things you are grateful for – know that you are doing your best right now and that’s all you can do!
  • Catching a glimpse of the person you were before you were a Mum – its no secret that we change in lots of way once we become Mums, however, it doesn’t mean we like the person we were any less!
  • Taking your time, like, not rushing to the next engagement/appointment – for once respect the time you give yourself.

This said time is not for:

  • household chores – I’d put money on those still being there when you return!
  • using technology – this equates to doing something, see dot point one in what this time is for.
  • planning anything – this is not self-care – you can do that another time.
  • to-do lists – you know the ones you have when you manage some rare time without the children, do it when you finish your time-out – it will be clearer then anyway!

Note, this time needs to be planned in advance to allow time for babysitting arrangements to be made and for you to be comfortable with the plans.  Don’t complicate this – keep it simple – just make time for it because you know it will make this parenting gig a little easier!  For example, I met up with a friend at her house last weekend and had a sleep, at her house – it was SOOO good!  Life with children can be intense, it is easier when we can put some perspective on the things that matter.

I think I’ve talked about self-care before and why its so important for wellness and thriving and general good health.  The notion of using school holidays as a prompt was something that seriously, just came to me today – do you like?

Featured Image:  Photo via <a href=”https://visualhunt.com/”>VisualHunt</a&gt;

 

Be like Bill

So, after a week of deep-breathing, challenging my self-talk and being grateful, I think I’m feeling more present?! It might be mind over matter, but isn’t that what much of life is??
Even though it was my advice in the previous post, I’m not afraid to tell you that I have definitely caught myself not being very nice to myself, and certainly being ungrateful.  And I can tell you, I really did enjoy the feeling after those 2o deep breaths, it was enforced focus, which I was very thankful for, I found it soooo relaxing!
So turns out taking my advice worked for me, did it for you?  Do you think you were more present?
When we are present we can start from a clear space and truly give some time to the things that matter to us.  What is that for you?  Why do you get out of bed in the morning?  What are your strengths? What are you passionate about?
Ok, enough of the 20 questions … the answers to those questions may change a little, especially on a day off(!) but on a serious note, what drives us matters a lot!!
When I say it matters, it seriously does!  You know those people are so oblivious to their own selves, its almost humorous, I bet you wouldn’t have to think long to think of someone like this?! Don’t be that person.  Here is an example for you:
This is Bill.
Bill knows what drives him, what his ‘why’ is and the areas he needs to work on.
Bill is kind to himself and has a high level of self-awareness.
Bill is smart.
Be like Bill.

Are you?

I don’t know about you but I cannot believe that it is now February!?  One month of 2016 is done already!!  I don’t know if its that I’m getting older or that we have been busy (as everyone is) or that my children have been so anxiously anticipating school and kindy to start.  But here we are, February is here.  When I consider how fast time goes, I really am reminded how we need to be present and mindful.  I can hear some of my friends, a few in particular saying, whatever (!), or what does that even mean?  It means closing down all of the tabs in your brain and absorbing where you really are.  You won’t get this time back, that is what I do know for sure.

Will you look back and be proud of how you spent your time?  Will you have regrets?  Will you think about times you have spent with family and friends and wish you didn’t spend the whole time talking or scrolling on your phone?  I’ve seen a lot #makingmemories lately, you know the ones.  What will your memories be?  Are they about the meme you saw on your newsfeed or the sound of your friend or child’s laughter?

Here’s my quick tips, for what they are worth, about being ‘present’:

  1. At least once every day, deliberately take 20 consecutive deep breaths – you know the type, in through your nose, where you feel your shoulders rise as your lungs fill with air and then out through your mouth, yes those.  Repeat more than once if you wish.
  2. Consciously listen to your self-talk – that is the way you speak to yourself – listen to whether it is positive or negative, make a real attempt to speak to yourself like you would a valued friend.
  3. Be grateful – Stop.  take a look around and make a note of three things you are grateful for.  Being thankful and grateful is about focusing on the positive things.  If you do this, there is no time to dwell on the other stuff, that has nothing to do with your goals, anyway!
Could you do these everyday for a week?

I’m going to try it, are you?
I look forward to hearing about all the nice things you said to yourself and noticed in this amazing life!