Be Like the Aviation Industry.

The aviation industry are smart and have a lot of things right (and geez, are we glad about that!)

They not only have multiple systems in place to intercept potential errors and damage, they also teach the vital process of putting on your own oxygen mask on first.

This saves lives and also empowers people.

Be like the Aviation Industry.

 

We know life doesn’t always go to plan, but having support systems gives us what all their checks give to Aviation – safety!

Support systems make us feel safe!

I hope you have been able to spend some time this month thinking about the support systems you have in place, and, just how they help you choose a marvellous life.

Here are a few things I have observed so far:

  • Caring for oneself is absolutely a crucial building block of thriving in life – before we can live our lives to the fullest we need to make ourselves our own priority.  If that means putting your supports in place to take a day to gather your thoughts, or to buy yourself a beautiful diary so you can get organised or taking yourself off to a health professional to get advice – then, DO ALL OF THOSE THINGS!
  • Supports aren’t always in your face every day – even people who love us have lives too – the reason they are our supports though, is that we are on THEIR priority list.
  • Sometimes supports aren’t so obvious – the example of my house cleaner – I pretty much hate cleaning, so to me, having my lovely cleaner come once a fortnight is 100% a support to me!
  • Back to aviation, they have layers of safety checks what allow them to do what they do so well.  We are no different, your support systems most definately need to be multidimensional.  Don’t be relying on one support (or person) to be your only solution to you doing well.  Sooner or later that arrangement will come unstuck for various reasons.

 

There you have it, my observations, I’m very keen to hear how your support systems work for you – please feel free to share!

How long since you have thought about it?

The older I get I’ve decided it’s a privilege to age – and I really want to say/hope that I’ve become more wise with age too (it was my birthday this month, I was 35, not sad about it, but just cannot believe it!).  One point I have certainly noted though, is the true value of having a village.

 

This is also resonated in my professional learnings – connection is so crucial to us as humans doing well in life, or as we like to refer to it as ‘Choosing a Marvellous Life’

 

Today’s blog is really just a series of statements on why villages are required to Choose a Marvellous Life.  I’d love to hear your comments on the topic too!

 

We come across so many people in our lives but truly the village are usually the people who seriously, just keep turning up, the ones who make you a priority with no agenda.

I want to include here that villages aren’t always determined by physical location. I’ll give you an example – when someone moves away, yes the type of support they get they from their village might change a little but they are able still absorb the love and warmth of relationship from afar.  No, they might not be able to pop in and look after children or cook a dinner but the emotional support they provide via phone/video call is still valid and appreciated.

 

It also necessary to point out that our needs change and as a result, villages do accordingly too.  I mean, to be honest, if we aren’t changing then we aren’t growing….I’ll leave that one with you….  A real life example of this is when you hear people say they’ve ‘grown out of’ someone – has this ever happened to you?

 

Relationships are at the core of, literally everything we do! An example of this is teachers – they can know curriculum backwards but it’s pointless if they, first, don’t have a relationship with their students to share it with them.  Think about this example for yourself – at school, did you have a favourite teacher and/or subject? Why were they your your favourite? If I was a betting woman I’d, say your favourite subject wasn’t taught by a teacher you didn’t like, just a guess….Am I right?

 

Can you hear my enthusiasm about this topic?  I hope so, it’s pretty important in the big scheme of things!

 

My closing points about villages are really just some quick questions to ask yourself. It’s about the need to truly evaluate who is part of your village. Why do they have such an important place in your village? Is it that they are your family and only want the best for you? Or in your mind are they friends who have been in your life so long that they feel like family? What is it that you get from them? and why is what they bring to your life so important?  If it’s not important, are they truly part of your village?

Why Practising Self-Validation is Important.

Do you know someone who pretends?  And who requires ‘approval’ from others?

I’m not talking dress ups.

More of the ‘trying to make out they are someone they aren’t?’ type.

To be honest, I’ve never, personally, really understood that.  I’m more of a ‘what you see is a what you get kind of person’.

Masking one’s true personality is easily done on social media – you just post what you want people to see and there you have it – an identity that may or may not be a true reflection of the person.  That identity though, is often cultivated to seek external reward from the people they are trying to impress.  Unfortunately that reward on social media is short lived, people move very quickly to their next ‘like’.

Will the number of likes, shares and comments help you live a full meaningful life? And are we in control of these?

We all know the answer to both questions….(No)

The truth is that we can only truly control what we think of ourselves – we need our own internal ways in which we are able to self-validate.

Psychology Today (2014) tells us that ‘Self-validation is accepting your own internal experience, your thoughts and feelings.’  Which means recognising and managing your own thoughts.  Given a chance, I’m always talking about mindfulness – it fits in really well here and is a great place to start with self-validation.

As with mindfulness, self-validation is something we require practice at.

Will you practice?

Is it a far better an alternative that relying on the external validation from social media? (I think yes.)

‘Comparison is the thief of joy’

Lets be honest, those who say they don’t love a good selfie, are liars….hehehe

Selfies, posts, likes, shares and tagging – all words that now make it into our everyday conversations – and multiply that for young people!

I ask you a question (ok, a few) – what is social media doing to your ‘sense of self’?  How can we possibly measure up to the often staged, filtered and photoshopped photos that fill our feeds daily??

Studies have shown us that a staggering number of people say social media has affected their self-esteem and yet, we go back for more of our social media ‘fix’, for most people, everyday!  Everyone wants to feel accepted and liked – but is it worth the damage it can do to our minds?

BUT knowledge is power – so the fact that we are aware of social media not always being helpful is a step in the right direction.  By choosing marvellous, we get to decide how much influence we allow social media to have our lives.  How about starting a conversation about this topic over the dinner table this week – especially if you have young people with you – the results could create questions for them.

I do however, find it so reassuring to see rebellion against this endless comparing.  The #nofilter pics and the ones that are portraying the downs as well as the ups.  That’s what we want, a generation who realise there is much more to life than how many likes they got on their photo post compared to their friends.

Let’s be real and honest and not let social media take over our ‘real lives’

 

**Also, I just wanted to add, I’m not anti-social media.  As I sit to write this blog – I feel like that’s the pitch I’ve taken.  Its not that at all, but my goal is to increase awareness of the potential effects it can have on our sense of self.

 

What’s your default?

Let me ask you a question – truly, when was the last time you really thought about all the good things you admire about yourself?  Was it this week?  Last month?  Last year?  Or at worst, never, maybe you have never taken the time to notice the positive things about yourself??

Well today, if you do nothing else, I want you to sit down and be truly kind to yourself. And maybe it has to wait until everyone else is in bed for you to have five minutes alone, that’s ok, it won’t take long!

You are going to practice writing a list of (or at least start with one thing) that you wholeheartedly admire about yourself.  You will be kind to yourself in a way you would be to a valued friend, this is the practice of self-compassion.

Let me get things started – I love how determined I am once I set my mind to something. When I was a child, I imagine this was quite punishing for my family, but it has absolutely set me in good stead as an adult.  What’s the first thing on your list?  Maybe you can write five, or more? Do that now.

Ok, good, tell me you have something written, or at least is in your mind – the task for the coming week is to pick one of the things you admire and say this to yourself each day.  Repeat as often as you like.

So, to be fair, it might take more than a week, but there are a couple of good reasons to practice this:

  • we need to regularly practice being kind to ourselves (so when there a threats to our self-esteem, self-compassion, not self-criticism, is our default),
  • Even our minds need reminding how awesome we are sometimes AND
  • when we hear something enough, it changes the way we think about ourselves – and that itself, is really powerful!

Image result for self-compassion

Featured Image Source:  https://www.google.com.au/search?q=self-compassion&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj_tarvkq7UAhUHW5QKHfnmChcQ_AUIBigB&biw=1366&bih=662#tbm=isch&q=self+compassion&imgrc=0_pS2RnnksMLBM:

My house is still messy.

Changing your perspective really can be a personally restorative act.

Let me explain – take cleaning the house for example – I feel like it’s a chore, so, given a chance, I avoid it! If I just took the view that by keeping the house clean it would be easier to live here, things might be different…(note, I haven’t mastered this yet and as a result always struggle to keep the house respectable!)

It’s the same with exercise – if we see it as a chore, quite simply, it will be!

But yet if we see it as not only being protective of our physical health but also our mental health – the game suddenly changes!!  When we are soaking up endorphins and achieving – we can easily choose our marvellous life, largely because we are feeling strong and confident from our efforts.  Are you following?

Perspective by definition is “a particular attitude towards or way of regarding something; a point of view”**  We make our best decisions when we can be aware of our own attitudes and points of view.

Now for the questions – how do you view physical activity?

Do you do it because you love the endorphins or because you think you should because of that chocolate slice you had for morning tea (or similar)?

What if you chose to view physical activity as an act of self-care and not torture?  It puts a whole new perspective on it really, doesn’t it?

Do you think choosing to change your perspective would make your life more marvellous?

** Reference – http://www.dictionary.com

 

Photo via Visualhunt

Know what makes you tick.

Topic – Mental Fitness

Best way to look after your mental fitness – know your real self and know what you need.

It makes sense really, doesn’t it?  Knowledge is power – so if we know what our preferences are – we can work towards using that knowledge to choose a marvellous life?

No one else will benefit from this.  Just you, which is 100% the goal here!

Here’s a few questions to start you thinking about your level of self-awareness:

When was the last time you engaged in an activity you walked away from taking you could take on the world?

When did you get so irritated by something that it made you ‘explode’ or ‘implode’ as the case may be?

Do you prefer your own time or to be surrounded by people and/or sounds?

What do you do to ‘recharge’?

How do you prefer to approach conflict?

How do you show people you appreciate them being in your life?

Once we are consciously aware of the way we prefer things to be, life is more likely to be marvellous!  Decisions just get easier.

It is also important to remember – we should never stop learning about ourselves!!

While our basic values don’t tend to change much, our experiences do!  And we know experiences can have profound effects on how we view the world.  That’s why we need to keep checking in with ourselves to make sure the action we are taking, does indeed, line up with the person we are at that time.

These are a few great resources I can recommend to ‘check in’ with yourself

  • Via Character – http://www.viacharacter.org – a free strength profiling website – you do a quick survey and in exchange for your email address, it gives you your results.
  • Personality Plus – there are lots of great personality sorters out there – this is one I have used and recommend – such an interesting exercise! There is also a ‘for Parents’ version of this one – personally, it answered lots of questions for me as a mother!
  • The Five Love Languages – a book, or I think there is an online version too, that profiles the way individuals prefer to give and receive ‘love’ – a must for anyone in a relationship!

Obviously, this is not an exhaustive list – but these are ones I’ve used and encourage you to check out to move along on the ‘knowing yourself’ path. **  I receive no endorsements – I just genuinely liked them and feel they could help other people too.

In terms of knowing what you need – knowing yourself usually informs this – if I’m someone who avoids crowds – a music festival isn’t going to be relaxing for me, or if I like to be alone and i live in a shared house, these don’t match up, do they?!  You get the idea!

Please, be kind to yourself – be really conscious of knowing what makes you tick and take note of the positive effect on your mental fitness (and the moving closer to your marvellous life)!

 

Image Source – http://www.quotemaster.org

 

Motivation is rubbish?

So, let me explain why I’ve boldly claimed that motivation is rubbish….

I’m going to use your car to further explain:

Relying on motivation is equivalent to having to connect the battery leads on your car each day, instead of just turning the key in the ignition to start the engine.  Turning the key to start your car is an act you undertake when you want to start your car each day, isn’t it?  It’s logical and automated, and you do it without much thought.   (Psst, this is how habits ‘are’ in a sustainably healthy life)

To be honest, I wouldn’t be sure HOW to connect the battery each day and to be more honest, I couldn’t be bothered? Could you?

Ok, I know some people would choose to do it for awhile, but could you keep doing it every day, knowing you needed to do it everyday to get anywhere??

Motivation usually comes in short bursts too – because change is desired.  Habits, on the other hand are a commitment to who you are growing to be.

You get in your car because you know why and where you are going.  Similarly, if your habits support your values, goals and your ‘why’, you will do them with ease.  What you do everyday matters!

Do you really think you would or could connect the leads before you leave home each day, forever?  As if it isn’t enough of a struggle to get to work on time, without having to think about which leads go on which battery terminal???

Does that make sense?  If we can make sustainably healthy habits something we do automatically without a thought, we have more time to focus on nurturing and choosing our marvellous life!

A little deep I know – but I thought it was an excellent comparison to highlight that what we do everyday matters!

Good health information can guide habits that change lives.

I ask you to try it!

Try starting a new positive habit – do it for a week to start with, if you love it, try committing to it for a month.  Review it after a month and see what’s different? Or if you would go back to not having it in your life.

Plan, do, review and change according to findings – know sustainable good health is a process!  Make the process a habit, and it will go a long way to helping you choose a marvellous life!

Have a great week!

 

Photo via <a href=”https://visualhunt.com/re/546f88″>Visual Hunt</a>

More on habits.

Since the live session on rituals and habits – I’ve been doing some research in my circle, aka discussing with friends, that the importance of rituals is, indeed true, in their lives too. If you missed it, you can see the live session at https://www.facebook.com/wellnessassist/

Our habits have such a huge effect on the way we perceive things.  From the field, here is another example:

Meet Sharon* – Sharon chooses to go to bed and leave the dishes there from the day – instead of just sucking it up and getting it done…Sharon leaves them until the next day, doesn’t seem like a big deal.  Sharon walks past them until lunchtime, or later when she feels annoyed enough by them, that she finally does them.  If Sharon had done them the previous night, there would have been no energy spent being annoyed by them and no impact on her next day. You see?

Ok, no more examples, just action!  Yes, action is crucial to choosing a marvellous life!!

Also, I cannot believe I did the whole live session about Rituals and Habits and didn’t mention ‘The Slight Edge’.  This is a marvellous book by Jeff Olson, that I think really highlighted to me that making good choices has such cumulative positive effects.  Similarly, consistently making not so wise choices can have the reverse effect.  I did know this, but the book puts it so simply!  I challenge you to read it this month if you can get your hands on a copy!

And obviously, if we are to choose a marvellous life, our next action is to take a look at our own habits and work out if they are helpful or not.  It IS more complex than this, but this will help you make a start!

Ask yourself:

Is this of value to me?

If it is – great, keep doing it.  If it isn’t, look for an alternative positive habit to take its place, and take the necessary actions to replace it!

Be sure to start small, be kind to yourself, celebrate wins and keep going!!

The good news is that it is never to late to change a habit, you just have to make the change and then stick to it…consistently…I feel like ‘consistent’ is going to be the word of this month!

Again, just like the goals, you need to be connected to your new habits – make them yours and make them count!

Image Source:  www.slightedge.org

*name changed so this person was’t identified

Goals…the last word.

Still no talk about SMART goals – only the ‘real and honest’ details found here.  The last word on goals is that we need to know where we are going so we can purposefully live our lives and move forward.

Simply by coming up with goals in 2017 you are already ahead of so many people. Celebrate the win!

What becomes the true defining moments, though, is if you are still looking at them and on your way to achieving them, come March, June, September or December!  I say that because goals have a tendency fall away, if we don’t TAKE ACTION to make them happen EVERY DAY!!

We need to see our handwritten (yes, not typed) goals, everyday and goals need to be reviewed on a regular basis – for some people this is monthly, others its longer, depending on the person and the goal.

To recap the month and also to set goals we require:

  • A connection to them – Remember how I asked you to write down what excites you and how then becomes the basis of your goals?  Your goals SHOULD excite you!  This excitement wholeheartedly connects us to our goals.
  • A true desire to achieve them – you cannot half-heartedly want to achieve your goals – you either want them to happen or you need to review your goals!
  • An image in our mind of what it will physically look and feel like –  If you haven’t thought about this, how do you ever expect to get there or even for some goals – know what it feels like?
  • Knowledge of why the goals are so important to you – When you know your why, the actually achieving the goals becomes easy – there needs to be no question in your mind about the reasons you want what you want!

So, go forth, be sure to also:

  • measure your progress (so you know how far you have come) and
  • celebrate your wins (in your own ways)

And keep in your mind, not all goals will be earth shattering, some will be small and may seem insignificant, but it’s all PROGRESS.  Setting and achieving goals is about constantly improving and ‘being better than yesterday’.