Be Like the Aviation Industry.

The aviation industry are smart and have a lot of things right (and geez, are we glad about that!)

They not only have multiple systems in place to intercept potential errors and damage, they also teach the vital process of putting on your own oxygen mask on first.

This saves lives and also empowers people.

Be like the Aviation Industry.

 

We know life doesn’t always go to plan, but having support systems gives us what all their checks give to Aviation – safety!

Support systems make us feel safe!

I hope you have been able to spend some time this month thinking about the support systems you have in place, and, just how they help you choose a marvellous life.

Here are a few things I have observed so far:

  • Caring for oneself is absolutely a crucial building block of thriving in life – before we can live our lives to the fullest we need to make ourselves our own priority.  If that means putting your supports in place to take a day to gather your thoughts, or to buy yourself a beautiful diary so you can get organised or taking yourself off to a health professional to get advice – then, DO ALL OF THOSE THINGS!
  • Supports aren’t always in your face every day – even people who love us have lives too – the reason they are our supports though, is that we are on THEIR priority list.
  • Sometimes supports aren’t so obvious – the example of my house cleaner – I pretty much hate cleaning, so to me, having my lovely cleaner come once a fortnight is 100% a support to me!
  • Back to aviation, they have layers of safety checks what allow them to do what they do so well.  We are no different, your support systems most definately need to be multidimensional.  Don’t be relying on one support (or person) to be your only solution to you doing well.  Sooner or later that arrangement will come unstuck for various reasons.

 

There you have it, my observations, I’m very keen to hear how your support systems work for you – please feel free to share!

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How long since you have thought about it?

The older I get I’ve decided it’s a privilege to age – and I really want to say/hope that I’ve become more wise with age too (it was my birthday this month, I was 35, not sad about it, but just cannot believe it!).  One point I have certainly noted though, is the true value of having a village.

 

This is also resonated in my professional learnings – connection is so crucial to us as humans doing well in life, or as we like to refer to it as ‘Choosing a Marvellous Life’

 

Today’s blog is really just a series of statements on why villages are required to Choose a Marvellous Life.  I’d love to hear your comments on the topic too!

 

We come across so many people in our lives but truly the village are usually the people who seriously, just keep turning up, the ones who make you a priority with no agenda.

I want to include here that villages aren’t always determined by physical location. I’ll give you an example – when someone moves away, yes the type of support they get they from their village might change a little but they are able still absorb the love and warmth of relationship from afar.  No, they might not be able to pop in and look after children or cook a dinner but the emotional support they provide via phone/video call is still valid and appreciated.

 

It also necessary to point out that our needs change and as a result, villages do accordingly too.  I mean, to be honest, if we aren’t changing then we aren’t growing….I’ll leave that one with you….  A real life example of this is when you hear people say they’ve ‘grown out of’ someone – has this ever happened to you?

 

Relationships are at the core of, literally everything we do! An example of this is teachers – they can know curriculum backwards but it’s pointless if they, first, don’t have a relationship with their students to share it with them.  Think about this example for yourself – at school, did you have a favourite teacher and/or subject? Why were they your your favourite? If I was a betting woman I’d, say your favourite subject wasn’t taught by a teacher you didn’t like, just a guess….Am I right?

 

Can you hear my enthusiasm about this topic?  I hope so, it’s pretty important in the big scheme of things!

 

My closing points about villages are really just some quick questions to ask yourself. It’s about the need to truly evaluate who is part of your village. Why do they have such an important place in your village? Is it that they are your family and only want the best for you? Or in your mind are they friends who have been in your life so long that they feel like family? What is it that you get from them? and why is what they bring to your life so important?  If it’s not important, are they truly part of your village?

Why Practising Self-Validation is Important.

Do you know someone who pretends?  And who requires ‘approval’ from others?

I’m not talking dress ups.

More of the ‘trying to make out they are someone they aren’t?’ type.

To be honest, I’ve never, personally, really understood that.  I’m more of a ‘what you see is a what you get kind of person’.

Masking one’s true personality is easily done on social media – you just post what you want people to see and there you have it – an identity that may or may not be a true reflection of the person.  That identity though, is often cultivated to seek external reward from the people they are trying to impress.  Unfortunately that reward on social media is short lived, people move very quickly to their next ‘like’.

Will the number of likes, shares and comments help you live a full meaningful life? And are we in control of these?

We all know the answer to both questions….(No)

The truth is that we can only truly control what we think of ourselves – we need our own internal ways in which we are able to self-validate.

Psychology Today (2014) tells us that ‘Self-validation is accepting your own internal experience, your thoughts and feelings.’  Which means recognising and managing your own thoughts.  Given a chance, I’m always talking about mindfulness – it fits in really well here and is a great place to start with self-validation.

As with mindfulness, self-validation is something we require practice at.

Will you practice?

Is it a far better an alternative that relying on the external validation from social media? (I think yes.)

Do you have ‘tricky people’ in your life?

We’ve all come across tricky people in our travels.  They are lurking everywhere actually – at your work, in your family, at parties and even in romantic relationships!  The tricky person in your life could even be you?  What if it is??

I invite you to read on!

I’ve owned this book for some time and the more I reference it, the more I know it to be true.  The book I’m referring to is “Tricky People”, authored by Andrew Fuller, Clinical Psychologist and Family Therapist.  I’ve actually had the privilege of hearing this guy speak in person – I honestly could have listened to him for the entire day (that didn’t get to happen, by the way!).

The book, Tricky People – How to deal with horrible types before they ruin your life, had lots of ‘aha’ moments for me.  I love how Andrew writes, it’s real and honest and has come from a wealth of experience.

The book is laid out really well – chapter one is the overview and the remaining chapters talk about the different types of tricky people.

The first chapter actually looks at our own strengths and vulnerabilities – and profiles whether we are ruled by the north, south, east or west.  Note: as self aware as you think you are, depending on the day and your frame of mind, this can slightly change your strengths and vulnerabilities. Interesting, huh?!

I really enjoyed that it is a book that doesn’t have to be read all at once and can be referred back to easily when you encounter said tricky people.

I know you’re wondering – in the ‘spotter’s guide section, Andrew classifies the groups of tricky people as:

Back-stabbers and White Anters

The Blamers and Whingers

The Bullies and Tyrants

The Controllers

The High and Mighties

The Avoiders

The Competitors

The Poor Communicators

Again with brutal honesty, the book even tackles if the tricky person is YOU!

I think you will find it to be such a great read – entertaining as well as helpful AND it is full of actual applicable skills to approach tricky people.

Go forth, recognise the tricky people in your life, and then get your hands on the book!!  And please do share your highlights, we love feedback!

No, they aren’t selfish!

Conflict can be so tough.  Any skills we can learn to help us deal with it would be beneficial, right?

The blog today is going to be talking about ‘I’ statements – as touched on the Facebook live earlier in the week – check out http://www.facebook.com/wellnessassist if you didn’t see it.

Firstly, we probably need to get this out of the way – ‘I’ statements aren’t selfish!  In fact, they are a really effective way to respectfully and effectively communication feelings.

They are though, just one way of getting your point across.  There are obviously others but I like these because they are simple but yet so powerful.

Just the power of recognising and labelling feelings is phenomenal.  If we can teach this to children and adolescents – we can help make sense of situations that may have previously perplexed them!  I know myself, when I can be specific about my own feelings, it is so much easier to work through them.  Ok, and maybe I’m a pros and cons list kind of girl – useful when you have time, but not so useful when you need to respond quickly!

I think one of their ‘features’, if you like, is that they are focused on solutions – and if you have ever been part of a really effective team, solutions are always a way to move forward!  Interestingly, most people often know what they want to happen when there is conflict – by using ‘I’ statements as a model just allows us to communication what we want.

Let me give you an example:

Your friend Robyn always cancels plans at the last minute.  The final straw was that she stood you up, leaving you standing outside a fancy restaurant.  You could choose to use an I statement…something like this…

Robyn, I feel like I’m not a priority when you keep cancelling plans.  It makes me feel so rejected!  Can you please not commit to plans unless you are sure you can make it and then we can keep having great times together.

Even typing that felt awkward!!  But you get the idea, simple but to the point and clearly using your own words.  It does take practice, but man, its liberating when you can get it sorted!

Choosing to actively deal with conflict and communicate using ‘I’ statements gives us confidence and I look forward to hearing how they go for you!  Feel free to connect to let me know how you find them!

 

What’s your default?

Let me ask you a question – truly, when was the last time you really thought about all the good things you admire about yourself?  Was it this week?  Last month?  Last year?  Or at worst, never, maybe you have never taken the time to notice the positive things about yourself??

Well today, if you do nothing else, I want you to sit down and be truly kind to yourself. And maybe it has to wait until everyone else is in bed for you to have five minutes alone, that’s ok, it won’t take long!

You are going to practice writing a list of (or at least start with one thing) that you wholeheartedly admire about yourself.  You will be kind to yourself in a way you would be to a valued friend, this is the practice of self-compassion.

Let me get things started – I love how determined I am once I set my mind to something. When I was a child, I imagine this was quite punishing for my family, but it has absolutely set me in good stead as an adult.  What’s the first thing on your list?  Maybe you can write five, or more? Do that now.

Ok, good, tell me you have something written, or at least is in your mind – the task for the coming week is to pick one of the things you admire and say this to yourself each day.  Repeat as often as you like.

So, to be fair, it might take more than a week, but there are a couple of good reasons to practice this:

  • we need to regularly practice being kind to ourselves (so when there a threats to our self-esteem, self-compassion, not self-criticism, is our default),
  • Even our minds need reminding how awesome we are sometimes AND
  • when we hear something enough, it changes the way we think about ourselves – and that itself, is really powerful!

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Motivation is rubbish?

So, let me explain why I’ve boldly claimed that motivation is rubbish….

I’m going to use your car to further explain:

Relying on motivation is equivalent to having to connect the battery leads on your car each day, instead of just turning the key in the ignition to start the engine.  Turning the key to start your car is an act you undertake when you want to start your car each day, isn’t it?  It’s logical and automated, and you do it without much thought.   (Psst, this is how habits ‘are’ in a sustainably healthy life)

To be honest, I wouldn’t be sure HOW to connect the battery each day and to be more honest, I couldn’t be bothered? Could you?

Ok, I know some people would choose to do it for awhile, but could you keep doing it every day, knowing you needed to do it everyday to get anywhere??

Motivation usually comes in short bursts too – because change is desired.  Habits, on the other hand are a commitment to who you are growing to be.

You get in your car because you know why and where you are going.  Similarly, if your habits support your values, goals and your ‘why’, you will do them with ease.  What you do everyday matters!

Do you really think you would or could connect the leads before you leave home each day, forever?  As if it isn’t enough of a struggle to get to work on time, without having to think about which leads go on which battery terminal???

Does that make sense?  If we can make sustainably healthy habits something we do automatically without a thought, we have more time to focus on nurturing and choosing our marvellous life!

A little deep I know – but I thought it was an excellent comparison to highlight that what we do everyday matters!

Good health information can guide habits that change lives.

I ask you to try it!

Try starting a new positive habit – do it for a week to start with, if you love it, try committing to it for a month.  Review it after a month and see what’s different? Or if you would go back to not having it in your life.

Plan, do, review and change according to findings – know sustainable good health is a process!  Make the process a habit, and it will go a long way to helping you choose a marvellous life!

Have a great week!

 

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