Why Practising Self-Validation is Important.

Do you know someone who pretends?  And who requires ‘approval’ from others?

I’m not talking dress ups.

More of the ‘trying to make out they are someone they aren’t?’ type.

To be honest, I’ve never, personally, really understood that.  I’m more of a ‘what you see is a what you get kind of person’.

Masking one’s true personality is easily done on social media – you just post what you want people to see and there you have it – an identity that may or may not be a true reflection of the person.  That identity though, is often cultivated to seek external reward from the people they are trying to impress.  Unfortunately that reward on social media is short lived, people move very quickly to their next ‘like’.

Will the number of likes, shares and comments help you live a full meaningful life? And are we in control of these?

We all know the answer to both questions….(No)

The truth is that we can only truly control what we think of ourselves – we need our own internal ways in which we are able to self-validate.

Psychology Today (2014) tells us that ‘Self-validation is accepting your own internal experience, your thoughts and feelings.’  Which means recognising and managing your own thoughts.  Given a chance, I’m always talking about mindfulness – it fits in really well here and is a great place to start with self-validation.

As with mindfulness, self-validation is something we require practice at.

Will you practice?

Is it a far better an alternative that relying on the external validation from social media? (I think yes.)

‘Comparison is the thief of joy’

Lets be honest, those who say they don’t love a good selfie, are liars….hehehe

Selfies, posts, likes, shares and tagging – all words that now make it into our everyday conversations – and multiply that for young people!

I ask you a question (ok, a few) – what is social media doing to your ‘sense of self’?  How can we possibly measure up to the often staged, filtered and photoshopped photos that fill our feeds daily??

Studies have shown us that a staggering number of people say social media has affected their self-esteem and yet, we go back for more of our social media ‘fix’, for most people, everyday!  Everyone wants to feel accepted and liked – but is it worth the damage it can do to our minds?

BUT knowledge is power – so the fact that we are aware of social media not always being helpful is a step in the right direction.  By choosing marvellous, we get to decide how much influence we allow social media to have our lives.  How about starting a conversation about this topic over the dinner table this week – especially if you have young people with you – the results could create questions for them.

I do however, find it so reassuring to see rebellion against this endless comparing.  The #nofilter pics and the ones that are portraying the downs as well as the ups.  That’s what we want, a generation who realise there is much more to life than how many likes they got on their photo post compared to their friends.

Let’s be real and honest and not let social media take over our ‘real lives’


**Also, I just wanted to add, I’m not anti-social media.  As I sit to write this blog – I feel like that’s the pitch I’ve taken.  Its not that at all, but my goal is to increase awareness of the potential effects it can have on our sense of self.


Are you in front?

I’ve seen it in a few places on social media now and I remember it starting about this time last year too.

Have you seen it?

It’s the quote

‘If you haven’t started working on your (insert year) goals yet then you are already behind’

Well, I think I’m doing ok, whilst I don’t have anything written down, I have some sizeable ideas floating around in my head. Do you?

Here’s what I’ve got so far:

I have a couple of holidays booked, which will have subsequent savings goals associated with them. And also a personal goal to just to enjoy the moments as much as possible.

I have some exciting new directions for my business, Wellness Assist, in mind. These include helping other people achieve their health and wellness goals.

One big fitness goal – which will tick off a bucket list item!

Ok, so I do still have some work to do, I know already I will achieve more than these in 2017.  But hey, its a start and sometimes that’s all it takes to make a big difference, both personally and professionally.

You see, having goals gives you focus and you get what you focus on. Simple.  Think of it as a road map, or GPS if you will, so you know where you’re going. I know I can’t navigate major cities without a GPS, so of course when it comes to life, isn’t it obvious that you need a map too??

I have found that goals let us make the most of the time we have.

And we all know time is so precious.

So, if you aren’t sure where to start:

First – work out or remind yourself what’s important to YOU in YOUR life!  This becomes your ‘Why’.

Once you can be clear on your ‘Why’, the how will become so ridiculously clear.

That is all, now go, put yourself in front by familiarising yourself with your ‘Why’ and start making some 2017 plans!!!


How is your next holiday looking?

So….you ate too much chocolate at Easter??  The chocolate distracted you from looking after yourself?  ‘It was a gift – I had to eat it!’  ‘Can’t let it go to waste’. Blahblahblah – who has heard some of those excuses out of their own mouth or someone close to you’s mouth in the last few days?  They could be seen as excuses or for the sake of this blog, lets call them distractions to your healthy lifestyle.

We all have distractions in life – they may look different for different people, but they are there, lurking around.  They might be well meaning edible gifts from family and friends or they might be in the shape of cute small people, who take up the much of your time.  Or it may really bother you how people on your ‘newsfeed’ persistently post their ‘perfect’ posts – it doesn’t matter what it is, there will always be distractions!

It is how we manage these distractions that matters!!  Do you know what yours are?  Do you know the distractions that stand between you and your healthy lifestyle?  There also lies the question, can we afford to be distracted from our own health??  Personally, I don’t think so, what’s your thoughts?

On that note, you know what I find strange, is that most people will spend longer planning their next holiday than deliberately taking time to look after their own health??  Are you guilty of this??

WARNING – I’m pretty sure I have said this in a previous blog and I will continue using this line because it is so simple yet so valuable. – self-care is not selfish. 

Self-care includes knowing what your distractions are so you can find an achievable and sustainable solution or compromise for them!  Obviously, some distractions are part of life eg. like those small cute people I referred to in the second paragraph – we love them dearly AND they don’t have to be a distraction!  For example – include those said small people in your healthy lifestyle – be a role model to them – show them that exercise and eating well is fabulous or that having a go at something new can be lots of fun.  Solutions will come at you, if that’s what you focus on – how much do you want to be healthy??

I guess the message is – distractions are always there, but they are only distracting if you let them be!