Do you have ‘tricky people’ in your life?

We’ve all come across tricky people in our travels.  They are lurking everywhere actually – at your work, in your family, at parties and even in romantic relationships!  The tricky person in your life could even be you?  What if it is??

I invite you to read on!

I’ve owned this book for some time and the more I reference it, the more I know it to be true.  The book I’m referring to is “Tricky People”, authored by Andrew Fuller, Clinical Psychologist and Family Therapist.  I’ve actually had the privilege of hearing this guy speak in person – I honestly could have listened to him for the entire day (that didn’t get to happen, by the way!).

The book, Tricky People – How to deal with horrible types before they ruin your life, had lots of ‘aha’ moments for me.  I love how Andrew writes, it’s real and honest and has come from a wealth of experience.

The book is laid out really well – chapter one is the overview and the remaining chapters talk about the different types of tricky people.

The first chapter actually looks at our own strengths and vulnerabilities – and profiles whether we are ruled by the north, south, east or west.  Note: as self aware as you think you are, depending on the day and your frame of mind, this can slightly change your strengths and vulnerabilities. Interesting, huh?!

I really enjoyed that it is a book that doesn’t have to be read all at once and can be referred back to easily when you encounter said tricky people.

I know you’re wondering – in the ‘spotter’s guide section, Andrew classifies the groups of tricky people as:

Back-stabbers and White Anters

The Blamers and Whingers

The Bullies and Tyrants

The Controllers

The High and Mighties

The Avoiders

The Competitors

The Poor Communicators

Again with brutal honesty, the book even tackles if the tricky person is YOU!

I think you will find it to be such a great read – entertaining as well as helpful AND it is full of actual applicable skills to approach tricky people.

Go forth, recognise the tricky people in your life, and then get your hands on the book!!  And please do share your highlights, we love feedback!

What’s your default?

Let me ask you a question – truly, when was the last time you really thought about all the good things you admire about yourself?  Was it this week?  Last month?  Last year?  Or at worst, never, maybe you have never taken the time to notice the positive things about yourself??

Well today, if you do nothing else, I want you to sit down and be truly kind to yourself. And maybe it has to wait until everyone else is in bed for you to have five minutes alone, that’s ok, it won’t take long!

You are going to practice writing a list of (or at least start with one thing) that you wholeheartedly admire about yourself.  You will be kind to yourself in a way you would be to a valued friend, this is the practice of self-compassion.

Let me get things started – I love how determined I am once I set my mind to something. When I was a child, I imagine this was quite punishing for my family, but it has absolutely set me in good stead as an adult.  What’s the first thing on your list?  Maybe you can write five, or more? Do that now.

Ok, good, tell me you have something written, or at least is in your mind – the task for the coming week is to pick one of the things you admire and say this to yourself each day.  Repeat as often as you like.

So, to be fair, it might take more than a week, but there are a couple of good reasons to practice this:

  • we need to regularly practice being kind to ourselves (so when there a threats to our self-esteem, self-compassion, not self-criticism, is our default),
  • Even our minds need reminding how awesome we are sometimes AND
  • when we hear something enough, it changes the way we think about ourselves – and that itself, is really powerful!

Image result for self-compassion

Featured Image Source:  https://www.google.com.au/search?q=self-compassion&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj_tarvkq7UAhUHW5QKHfnmChcQ_AUIBigB&biw=1366&bih=662#tbm=isch&q=self+compassion&imgrc=0_pS2RnnksMLBM:

Know what makes you tick.

Topic – Mental Fitness

Best way to look after your mental fitness – know your real self and know what you need.

It makes sense really, doesn’t it?  Knowledge is power – so if we know what our preferences are – we can work towards using that knowledge to choose a marvellous life?

No one else will benefit from this.  Just you, which is 100% the goal here!

Here’s a few questions to start you thinking about your level of self-awareness:

When was the last time you engaged in an activity you walked away from taking you could take on the world?

When did you get so irritated by something that it made you ‘explode’ or ‘implode’ as the case may be?

Do you prefer your own time or to be surrounded by people and/or sounds?

What do you do to ‘recharge’?

How do you prefer to approach conflict?

How do you show people you appreciate them being in your life?

Once we are consciously aware of the way we prefer things to be, life is more likely to be marvellous!  Decisions just get easier.

It is also important to remember – we should never stop learning about ourselves!!

While our basic values don’t tend to change much, our experiences do!  And we know experiences can have profound effects on how we view the world.  That’s why we need to keep checking in with ourselves to make sure the action we are taking, does indeed, line up with the person we are at that time.

These are a few great resources I can recommend to ‘check in’ with yourself

  • Via Character – http://www.viacharacter.org – a free strength profiling website – you do a quick survey and in exchange for your email address, it gives you your results.
  • Personality Plus – there are lots of great personality sorters out there – this is one I have used and recommend – such an interesting exercise! There is also a ‘for Parents’ version of this one – personally, it answered lots of questions for me as a mother!
  • The Five Love Languages – a book, or I think there is an online version too, that profiles the way individuals prefer to give and receive ‘love’ – a must for anyone in a relationship!

Obviously, this is not an exhaustive list – but these are ones I’ve used and encourage you to check out to move along on the ‘knowing yourself’ path. **  I receive no endorsements – I just genuinely liked them and feel they could help other people too.

In terms of knowing what you need – knowing yourself usually informs this – if I’m someone who avoids crowds – a music festival isn’t going to be relaxing for me, or if I like to be alone and i live in a shared house, these don’t match up, do they?!  You get the idea!

Please, be kind to yourself – be really conscious of knowing what makes you tick and take note of the positive effect on your mental fitness (and the moving closer to your marvellous life)!

 

Image Source – http://www.quotemaster.org

 

More on habits.

Since the live session on rituals and habits – I’ve been doing some research in my circle, aka discussing with friends, that the importance of rituals is, indeed true, in their lives too. If you missed it, you can see the live session at https://www.facebook.com/wellnessassist/

Our habits have such a huge effect on the way we perceive things.  From the field, here is another example:

Meet Sharon* – Sharon chooses to go to bed and leave the dishes there from the day – instead of just sucking it up and getting it done…Sharon leaves them until the next day, doesn’t seem like a big deal.  Sharon walks past them until lunchtime, or later when she feels annoyed enough by them, that she finally does them.  If Sharon had done them the previous night, there would have been no energy spent being annoyed by them and no impact on her next day. You see?

Ok, no more examples, just action!  Yes, action is crucial to choosing a marvellous life!!

Also, I cannot believe I did the whole live session about Rituals and Habits and didn’t mention ‘The Slight Edge’.  This is a marvellous book by Jeff Olson, that I think really highlighted to me that making good choices has such cumulative positive effects.  Similarly, consistently making not so wise choices can have the reverse effect.  I did know this, but the book puts it so simply!  I challenge you to read it this month if you can get your hands on a copy!

And obviously, if we are to choose a marvellous life, our next action is to take a look at our own habits and work out if they are helpful or not.  It IS more complex than this, but this will help you make a start!

Ask yourself:

Is this of value to me?

If it is – great, keep doing it.  If it isn’t, look for an alternative positive habit to take its place, and take the necessary actions to replace it!

Be sure to start small, be kind to yourself, celebrate wins and keep going!!

The good news is that it is never to late to change a habit, you just have to make the change and then stick to it…consistently…I feel like ‘consistent’ is going to be the word of this month!

Again, just like the goals, you need to be connected to your new habits – make them yours and make them count!

Image Source:  www.slightedge.org

*name changed so this person was’t identified

How personalised is your health information?

Here we are, working on this ‘project’ of you and your family’s health and subsequent marvellous life!!  Projects need research – which poses the question – where do you find your health information?

We live in a time when we have access to SO much information – but yet, this doesn’t always make our decisions easier!  How do we know it is reliable and a ‘good’ source?

It’s actually not easy sorting fact from fiction on the internet sometimes!  What I do know and want to share with those who choose a marvellous life is, that we need to be aware that specifically when in comes to health information – Google doesn’t have all the answers.  

Sure, some of your research might be done on the internet, but it can’t be your only source of information gathering.

I hear you say – where then, can I get information –  here’s just one suggestion (by no means the only place you can get good health information, but albeit, a great place to start your research):

Australian Health Practitioner Health Regulation Agency (AHPRA) health professionals have spent years learning and perfecting their profession – sounds ideal, doesn’t it?

Australian Health Practitioner Regulation Agency

Find more details at http://www.ahpra.gov.au (note – it has a gov in the address – always a good sign when looking for credible health information)

As previously mentioned, the term health professional gets thrown around a lot these days – often by people who haven’t had as much training as AHPRA Health Professionals. Is your trusted health professional’s profession on the list above?

I absolutely acknowledge that sometimes reading articles on the internet can make us feel better about certain conditions, but it can also have the opposite effect.  The main point is that is generic information and not personalised to you.  Therefore, the odds of it being 100% accurate for you every time are very slim to nil.  Whereas, for example, when you see a health professional from the list above, they get so much more information from you, putting them best placed to form their diagnosis and plan of care accordingly.  Does that make sense?

Back to the concept of a research process – remember when you teacher asked you to compare and contrast at school?  That is the perfect set up for assessing health information too – put it all together (maybe not with highlighters or the need for cutting and pasting!) however you see fit, and then you are well placed to make an informed decision.

The term ‘informed decision’ is one that is commonly used in health care – informed refers to knowing ALL the facts about the particularly issue and being able to make the best decision based on those facts.

And if we are to truly and intentionally choose our marvellous life, we need to be making the best decisions that we possibly can!

Goals…the last word.

Still no talk about SMART goals – only the ‘real and honest’ details found here.  The last word on goals is that we need to know where we are going so we can purposefully live our lives and move forward.

Simply by coming up with goals in 2017 you are already ahead of so many people. Celebrate the win!

What becomes the true defining moments, though, is if you are still looking at them and on your way to achieving them, come March, June, September or December!  I say that because goals have a tendency fall away, if we don’t TAKE ACTION to make them happen EVERY DAY!!

We need to see our handwritten (yes, not typed) goals, everyday and goals need to be reviewed on a regular basis – for some people this is monthly, others its longer, depending on the person and the goal.

To recap the month and also to set goals we require:

  • A connection to them – Remember how I asked you to write down what excites you and how then becomes the basis of your goals?  Your goals SHOULD excite you!  This excitement wholeheartedly connects us to our goals.
  • A true desire to achieve them – you cannot half-heartedly want to achieve your goals – you either want them to happen or you need to review your goals!
  • An image in our mind of what it will physically look and feel like –  If you haven’t thought about this, how do you ever expect to get there or even for some goals – know what it feels like?
  • Knowledge of why the goals are so important to you – When you know your why, the actually achieving the goals becomes easy – there needs to be no question in your mind about the reasons you want what you want!

So, go forth, be sure to also:

  • measure your progress (so you know how far you have come) and
  • celebrate your wins (in your own ways)

And keep in your mind, not all goals will be earth shattering, some will be small and may seem insignificant, but it’s all PROGRESS.  Setting and achieving goals is about constantly improving and ‘being better than yesterday’.

What excites you?

Have you written down what excites you yet?  You see, this was the task after listening to the first ‘I Choose Marvellous’ Facebook Live session.  To get started with your goals, write down what excites you.  Go on, do it now.

This can be more challenging than you think!  When was the last time you really thought about the things that excite you?

Sometimes as adults we get so caught up in what we ‘have to’ do we don’t get to think about what excites us!  Here’s your chance – when we know what we want or where we would like to be, creating plans to get ‘there’ get a whole lot easier!!

Here are the dot points on goals that I want you take away:

  • We all know about the SMART goals framework – so I’m not going to cover this – if you aren’t familiar with it – just google it.
  • We are talking about next level goal setting here, goals so personalised that they get you out of bed in the morning, to make sure they happen!
  • Goals need to be written down – there is something really powerful about your own handwriting!  And put somewhere you can see them everyday.
  • You need to be accountable for your goals – one way to do this is to tell someone you trust, someone who has your back all the details of your plan – so they can diplomatically inquire about the goals from time to time – this keeps you honest.
  • You have to own your goals, or in other words take responsibility for them – don’t use someone else’s, that’s just silly.  If you own them, they are yours and no one can take them away, but by owning them, means you are the only one who can make them happen!
  • Measure your progress – it is like when you are doing a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle and you compare what you have done to the box – it doesn’t matter if you have only done the borders, at least you have started and know how much you have to go until you finish it.
  • You must celebrate wins – a win is any progress.  Every step along the way to a goal is a win.  Whilst I’m not suggesting crackers and fireworks every time you get ahead, celebrating wins keeps us in the game.  It allows us to ‘review’ if you like how far we’ve come and ultimately keeps us on track by making the progress seem worthwhile.

Wow, my blogs this year were going to be shorter than 2016….I think this one is not. Goals are just so crucial to choosing marvellous lives that I don’t apologise for this longer than expected post!

If you haven’t already, write down the things that excite you and get thinking.  Thinking about how you can have more of them in 2017 and beyond!!